Saturday, October 12, 2013

My Mom Turned 90 on Monday

Saturday 9: Hopelessly Devoted to You

Olivia Newton-John is a breast cancer survivor and October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please spread the word about early detection. 

1) This is a sad song about unrequited love. What's your favorite love song, and is it happy or sad? The Jimmy Buffett song, “Why Don’t We Get Drunk & Screw.” VERY romantic.

2) This song is from the Grease soundtrack. When that movie came out in 1978, the price of a postage stamp was just 15¢. When's the last time you visited the post office? I’ve gotta go on Monday. I am in need of stamps. The last time was when I needed stamps the last time. Am I making any sense? No? Good. At least you know whose fucking blog that you are reading.

3) Not many people know that Olivia's maternal grandfather, Max Born, won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1954. Share something about yourself that we might not have known before this morning. My mother turned 90 on Monday. Her party is tonight. I’ve not mentioned it for a couple of reasons. The first is so you wouldn’t be stressed on what to buy her and the second is that the guest list is the same as it is on Christmas Eve. Kathy & I bought her an organizer for her walker. Seriously.

4) Olivia's father was an officer in MI5, the UK's secret service. Sam's most recent run-in with the authorities had less intrigue or glamor, as it included a policeman pointing out the stop sign she'd somehow missed. Tell us about your most recent encounter with law enforcement. Recently I was driving. This itself is not noteworthy, since I am a salesperson. They are doing all sorts of stuff on I-91 outside of Springfield. I'm listening to some inane sports talking head interviewing another sports talking head and I realized WEEI was interviewing the same guy I just heard on ESPN's Mike & Mike.

I look up and all I can see is a dump truck ahead of me so I follow it through the cones. A trooper immediately pulls me over. I have NO idea why. You guessed it. I followed the dump truck into the traffic site. This cop is yelling and screaming and going insane.

He asks "Who do you think you are?" I said I thought the truck was in a lane and I was sorry. He starts screaming at me as though I were two. When he asks for my license I remember it's in my scanner at home, because annually I have to scan it and send it to work. Now I'm wondering if he will handcuff me or let me follow him to jail. He looks at the registration that I gave him. He starts ranting all over again. He tells me that I am too stupid to live. At this point, I am expecting the electric chair, although I think the firing squad might be better. I digress. So now he's kicking the cones all over the place. He yells at me that's he's gotta reset them all. I avoid the urge to ask if he wants some help. He glares at me and tells me doing what I did was "a ONE HUNDRED dollar fine." I nod. Better than the chair, I'm thinking. All of a sudden he yells, "I don't have time for this." He stops the traffic on 91 to let me out. No ticket, nothing. So the moral is "Go figure."

5) Olivia is part owner of an exclusive, luxury retreat called Gaia. If you had a day of free access to a heated pool, golf course, tennis court, gym, and day spa, but could only use one, which one would you choose? Why can’t you pick Olivia and call it a day?

6) Are you flirtatious? I have been told that I am.

7) Do you more often wear silver, gold, or platinum? I only wear one piece of jewelry and that is my wedding ring. So, “gold” for $500, Alex.

8) When you're on the phone, do you usually make the first move toward ending the call? Or do you find it hard to say goodbye? Why anyone would find hanging up the phone difficult? Oh I get it. It is a “You say goodbye. No you say goodbye first…”

9) Would you rather be smarter, richer, or more attractive than you are right now? Just richer. I just had my tenth back surgery on September 24th. My job and my back do not get along well. It’s good that I love the job. Did you know that 9 out of 10 Powerball players say that they'd quit their job. The tenth person is fucktardian.

I know it's been a while. Since last we spoke I had the aforementioned back surgery. Kathy quit her job to take one with a 25% increase in pay. The job lasted roughly four days. She had a major case of the blues. But today it ended. A friend from the last job, who happened to marry us told her of an opening in her company. She interviewed yesterday and will start on Monday! We will see you next time, whenever that is. Peace & love-



  1. I hope this surgery provides relief! It's nice to see your crazy answers.

  2. My son use to always have Mike and Mike on. The last time I heard them was last December when I was driving to yoga and it was Golic's 50th- talking about AARP etc. Anyway, the next week the station, a classic rock station, went country without even telling anyone. That is like the sickest joke anyone can play on anyone else. Serves me right for living in the middle of nowhere.

    Anyway, I am so glad to see you are back. I really missed you. I hope that you are feeling well and that all is 100% with you. Say hi to Kathy- miss her too. You are so freaking lucky to be celebrating your mom's 90th birthday too. later

  3. "Who do you think you are?" is the most annoying question. Even worse than, "Who do you think you're talking to?" People who spout shit like that deserve the responses they get. I admire your restraint. Maybe that's why the cop let you go.

    Sounds like you and Kathy have been through so much lately. Hopefully that's all behind you and fall will bring you nothing but good times and smooth sailing. And please come by more often. I always have your smart answers in my head when I help Sam with the questions.

    BTW, is Buffett singing, "snuff queen" or "stunt queen?" I can't tell and the lyric websites don't agree (and I fixate).

  4. The Gal nailed it... that is the most preposterous question... well aside from "Do you approve of Congress' job performance?".

    Buffett is HIGHLY romantic.... I shall go look for my lost shaker of salt now.


  5. Glad to see you back Bud! Happy Birthday to your Mom and good luck to Kathy on the job!