Sunday, July 28, 2013

The Ballad of John & Yoko

Sunday Stealing: Massive Alphabet Meme, part one 

The Letter A 
Are you agnostic? Very. My dad, an atheist, once told me an agnostic is someone who won’t commit. I replied, “Atheists are like Catholics. They both think they have all the answers.” After he stopped laughing he said, “That’s pretty good.”
What is your age? 262
What annoys you? Being asked my age.

The Letter B  
Do you like bacon? Yes.
When is your birthday? On the anniversary of the day I was born.

Who is your best friend? I hate this question. Let’s move on. Nothing to see here.

The Letter C
What is your favorite candy? I don’t eat candy. I used to love Heath Bars. Who is your crush? Me lady, me wife.
When was the last time you cried? The night John Lennon was assassinated. “The way things are going, they’re gonna crucify me.” Lennon-McCartney 1968. Twelve years later on a December night after a record session, they did.

The Letter D 
Do you daydream? What a Day for a Daydream.

What is your favorite kind of dog? Whatever kind that my virtual dog Happy is.
What day of the week is it? You ask this on a blog called “Sunday Stealing”?

The Letter E 
How do you like your eggs? Cooked.
Have you ever been in the emergency room? Too many times.
What’s the easiest thing to ever do? Snore.

The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane? Yes. 
Do you use fly swatters? No, I catch them with my teeth. It gives them a fighting chance.
Have you ever used a foghorn? I wouldn't know one if it were in my radio studio.

The Letter G
Do you chew gum? No.
Ever tried gazpacho? I’m not looking this up, so I’ll go with an uncertain “no” here.
Are you a giver or taker? We all do both. We just lie to ourselves so we aren’t feeling guilty.

The Letter H
How are you? An all time spectacular meme question. No wonder Tense Teacher stopped blogging.
What’s your height? A tad under 1.822m.
What color is your hair? Just fuck off.

The Letter I
What is your favorite ice-cream? Gongerling.
Have you ever ice-skated? Yes. I was in the Olympics in 1920.
Do you play an instrument? Yes. I was the bassist of Nirvana. I just never got the credit. I’d say more, but my attorneys have advised against it.

The Letter J
What is your favorite jelly bean? Gongerling.
Do you wear jewelry? Only my wedding ring. Before that, I hadn’t worn jewelry in over a decade.
Have you heard a really hilarious joke? A girl decided to ask her mother "how do you get a baby?" The mother goes through all the details and ends with "And that's how you get a baby." The girl thinks for a moment and asks, "If you were to swallow the semen, what would you get then?" Her mother replied, "Jewelry."

The Letter K
Whom do you want to kill? Whom? Really?
Do you want kids? No. Four is enough.
Where did you go to kindergarten? I didn’t. I was raised by wolves.

The Letter L
Are you laid-back? Sometimes.
Do you lie? Everybody lies, It’s okay ‘cuz no one listens.
Do you love anyone? Yes. This meme was written by a fucking kindergarten kid. That’s why he asked that kindergarten question. He thinks we might be in his class.
The Letter M
What is your favorite movie? Notting Hill or Casablanca.
Do you still watch Disney movies? Did you figure out “gongerling” yet?
Do you like mangoes? And on this note we bid adieu. Hope your Sunday is great! My son & I had a great time, even though the Yanks lost 1-0. A pitcher’s duel took over three hours. They gotta fix the time thing.Til next time, Peace & Love.


  1. I am watching Notting Hill right now!

  2. Notting Hill is also a favorite of mine,

  3. Loved the joke. LOVED IT! My beloved future Hall of Famer, Greg Maddux, would agree with you about the time a ball game takes. He always said a pitcher's job was to get 3 outs fast (and a ground out, while less glamorous than a K, takes one pitch instead of three). And you're not missing a damn thing with gazpacho. Trust me.